Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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