I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
