im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
