I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
