Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
