I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
