her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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