drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
