the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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