it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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