She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
