he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
