Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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