But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
