I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
