That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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