Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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