So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
