I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
