I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
