just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
