I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
