He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
