I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
