hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
