don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
