Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Text me some of your sweat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
