my soul wont recognize me after tonight
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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