I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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