Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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