this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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