I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
