sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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