omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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