so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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