Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
