And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I understand Curling. That high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
