saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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