Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
two words: eviction party
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
