it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
