did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
