I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
