Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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