I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it because I queefed?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
