dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
