why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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