my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
