How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
