Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
