Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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