I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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