He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
