you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My bed smells like the plague
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
