you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
