5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
