wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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