Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
