She said her name was "party"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
