yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
