The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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