you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
