I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize