if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
