you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
